Something I Wanted To Say
by Jinxd n cursed
Summary: Scully stubbles across some of Mudler's poetry when she is cleaning their ofice. MSR
1. Scully's POV

**Title: **Something I Want To Say

**Author: **Caitlin "Jinx" Wasson

**Rating: **G

**Category: **MSR

**Feedback: **Trumpetgirl4eva@mostlysunny.com, Soccergirl580@over-the-rainbow.com, xxxscullyxxx2001@yahoo.com, and AIM: Trumpetgurl9999

**Archive: **Wherever, just keep my name on it and let me know where.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the X-files or its characters. I am not doing this for profit so please don't sue! I'm broke after I bought a new French horn. (I really needed one.) 

**Summary: **Based around some poems I wrote. Scully stumbles across some poetry of Mulder's and decides what to do next. Somewhere in the seventh season I think

**Spoilers: **A little Emily.__

It was late, after my normal work hours, but I had a secret mission to complete, a conspiracy against Mulder, as he might think. 

I was going to clean off his desk. 

Mulder has always been decidedly untidy and quite frankly, he doesn't care.

"It's easier for me to find things," he tells me.

I guess neatness comes with the second X chromosome. However, the enormous stacks of files and sunflower seeds were beginning to annoy me. So, with a dust rag and Windex in hand, I set out to clean out the desk. In the first few drawers, all I found was a shocking amount of sunflower seeds and several magazines, most of which I will choose not to mention the title or what they contained.

No, it wasn't until the third drawer on the right that I got the shock of a lifetime. There was a folder with the label "To Dana K. Scully." I opened it, out of curiosity, expecting to find his will or some similar legal document that I was to be in charge of. Just try to imagine my shock when I found three poems, all addressed to me.  

_There's something I want to say_

_But I can never really tell you_

_It would ruin everything good we have_

_And our good times would be through_

_Yet still I long to tell you_

_And get this off my chest_

_But I must restrain myself_

_Because you deserve the best_

_Although this hurts me deeply_

_I'm sure it's for the better_

_Because if I ever told you_

_It'd ruin our lives forever _

_But since you'll never receive this_

_I guess I'll put the words here_

_The truth is that I love you_

_And will always hold you dear_

_Yes, that's right I love you_

_But I guess you'll never know_

_Because it would kill me to realize_

_That you didn't love me too_

_I wish it were not true_

_You can't realize how much I do_

_But I guess you can't help who you love_

_And can just hope they love you too_

_I know that you don't share my feelings_

_I don't expect you to_

_I know I am difficult to love_

_Because of everything I do_

_I just hope that you won't hate me_

_For falling in love with you_

_Even though I know_

_That you don't love me too_

            My heart beat faster. This was so unlike Mulder. Could it possibly be true that he was actually writing these poems? It looked that way; after all, it was in his decisively sloppy handwriting. 

            I couldn't believe it. He had really written it, could it possibly mean…?

            I began reading the next one. 

Oh my love how you hurt me Even though you don't mean to 

_When you hurt I hurt as well_

_Because of what they did to you_

_They took away your daughter_

_Your only blood child_

_And you'll never have another chance_

_At least not for a while_

_I promise I will help you_

_And give you what you secretly desire_

_So you can have the child_

_That I know will take you higher_

_I promise never to leave you_

_Like too many people have done_

_And left you all alone_

_Without anyone_

_I could never do that_

_Because I love you so_

_And I promise you my darling_

_I will never go_

            He really did love me! I hardly dared to hope but I didn't take the time to think about that, I turned to the third and final poem, the one that made everything crystal clear. 

_Ah my darling Scully_

_You mean everything to me_

_I wish you'd say you loved me_

_Then we could be free_

_I know I'll always love you_

_Because you complete my soul _

_Even though I don't deserve you_

_You're what makes me whole_

_I wish that I could tell you_

_What's inside my heart_

_But if you shot me down_

_It would break me apart_

_Please tell me that you love me_

_And you'll never let me go_

_Because I couldn't live _

_If you ever told me no_

_I'm afraid to tell you this _

_And learn that you don't feel the same_

_Because I know I'd die _

_Of the hurt and the shame_

_Please tell me that you love me_

_I really hope you do_

_Because if you say you always will_

_I'll always be with you_

            Tears started rolling gently, slowing down my cheeks. He loved me and I loved him too. I had to tell him! 

            Wait!

            He'd know I'd read his poems that he didn't want me to read. 

            Oh well. He'd be happy once he knew that I loved him too. Without another thought, I left my task of cleaning the office half finished, grabbing my car keys and rushing out of the building to Mulder's apartment. 


	2. Mulder's POV

**Title: **Something I Want to Say

**Author: **Caitlin "Jinx" Wasson

For disclaimer and other information, please see the previous chapter. 

Mulder's POV

            There was a knock on my door. Who would be visiting me at 11:36 at night? My thoughts leapt to the Lone Gunmen. Nah, they were at some conference in Seattle. I got up and opened the door. 

            "Hey," Scully greeted me with a shy smile. 

            I love it when she smiles like that, not a full on grin but still beautiful. 

            "Hey," I replied. "What brings you here so late?" 

            "I wanted to talk to you about something. Can I come in?" she asked.

            I moved out of her way and she walked in settling primly on the couch. I love to watch the way Scully walks, the way her hips sway just so as she moves purposefully to wherever she's going. Of course, most of all, I just love her. Pushing these thoughts aside, I shut the door and sat down on the couch next to her. 

            "What's up?" I questioned. 

            She looked away, fiddling with that cross she always wears. That cross means as much to me as it does to her. To me, it means that even though she won't buy into my theories on aliens and the like, she still has her own belief in a higher power and has a certain level of open-mindedness.

            "Scully?" I placed a hand on her shoulder. 

            She peered up at me, her eyes wide, and filled with something I couldn't decipher. 

            "I know you love me," she blurted out suddenly. 

            The air was heated, heavy, tense. What? How did she know? Was I really that obvious?

            "I found the poems in your desk," she continued. "I was cleaning." 

            Oh crap! Why had I left those in there? I had intended to burn them. I hung my head. The moment when she told me she didn't love me was about to come. I was dreading it. I closed my eyes and hung my head. 

            "And the thing is," Scully went on. "I love you too." 

            My heart stopped? What? Scully loved me too?  

            "And I wrote this for you. It's not as good as what you wrote but…" her voice trailed off as she handed me a slightly wrinkled sheet of paper. 

_I love you! I love you! I love you!_

_I really want to tell you_

_How much you mean to me_

_And how much I really love you_

_You are my everything_

_My night and my day_

_You are my life and soul_

_And I hope that you will stay_

_Without you I can't live_

_Without you I will die_

_Please stay always with me_

_And never make me cry_

_How can I make you know?_

_How much I really love you?_

_I want you with me always_

_Please say you love me too_

_I love you! I love you! I love you!_

_I really want to tell you_

How much you mean to me And how much I really love you 

            I looked up at her, hardly daring to breathe. A small tear rolled gently down her cheek. Gently, I used my thumb to wipe it away. This was unlike her, letting her guard down for even an instant, making herself vulnerable. It was such a rare occurrence. When I looked into her eyes, I realized what she was saying was true, she did love me, as much as I loved her. 

            I wrapped my arms around her, wanting to be closer to her, needing to be closer to her. "Don't cry, Scully. I love you and I'll always be with you." 

            She buried her head in my chest, squeezing me tight. "I love you Mulder."

            I held her tightly, unwilling to let her go. We sat like that for a few minutes. Then I pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes. In those deep blue-green pools of hers again, I could see all the love she had for me and I knew she'd never leave me, would never hurt me. I leaned forward slightly and pressed my lips against hers. 

            "I love you so much Scully. Please say you'll be mine always." 

            "I'm yours," she told me. "Forever and always."

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